wow, already? i felt like i went to disneyland & watched
the times square ball thing drop on my television just yesterday.
mm, well today went from alright to bad to fun&happy to really sad.
i don't know, i was pretty unhappy during lunch cus of something
and something else just added on to my unhappiness
and only kim noticed that something was wrong with me.
& then i eventually started tearing up on my way to 5th.
so i probably looked like a loser walking by herself
to her 5th period class, crying even though it wasn't noticable.
and then after school, i had so much fun cus of class committee.
CORN ! LOL. & i tripped david youn PERFECTLY (;
even though i got pissed at times during committee, it was really fun.
and then, i was really sad.
when i got home, my mom saw my ripped apart converse and said
that they were all ripped up and colorless and everything.
i told her i was perfectly fine with it and that it was no big deal
but she told me to buy new shoes tomorrow when i go to the mall.
even though i was already planning on buying new shoes with my
own money, she pulled out her wallet and she gave me 40 bucks.
usually, i wouldn't really care that much & take her offer but
when i looked in her wallet, all she had was 42 bucks and
she would be left with 2 bucks. wow, i never knew we were this broke
but my family ignores this and still gives me money for everything.
wow, i felt like total shit. especially since she was walking weird
cus of her back pain and i don't know, just seeing her in an weird
position giving me 40 bucks with only 2 bucks left in her wallet
i started to cry, again. i told her i didn't want it & that i'll spend my
own money on my own shoes but she told me that i wouldn't have
that kind of money and that i shouldn't use my own money on stuff
like that. wow. i'm so disappointed in myself cus i was so happy
when my mom told me she'd get me a car when i got my license,
when she said she'd get me frontseat hb tickets when bigbang came.
when she told me that i should go to korea with my sister next summer.
& etc, etc, etc, etc.
same goes for my sister, she does so much for me
and when she doesn't do one thing for me, i get really mad at her.
what a bitch i am. especially since i go around telling everyone
that i hate her so much, wow i feel like such a brat.
anyways, it's been bothering me when people called me "popular"
and said that i had "so many friends" & that i'm so "lucky"
that all sounds like bullshit to me cus i'm sure as hell that i'm not
popular nor do i have "so many friends" but i know i'm lucky.
oh & i'm gonna sound like a bitch and be straightforward.
stop telling me to go to homecoming for all of you who's got dates.
it's fucking getting on my nerves now.
yeah, i want to go. yeah, i don't have a date. & yeah, i'm NOT GOING.
why don't you put yourself in my position.
i don't have a date, i'm fucking poor, & all my friends got dates.
yeah i would TOTALLY want to go with my friends who's got dates
and be the ONLY person there that DOESN'T have a date.
oh how WONDERFUL and FUN that'll be.
& i'm not the only one who thinks the same thing.
i'm going to throw a party on homecoming day and invite like
everyone who didn't get asked and crap and we're going to like
have the time of our lives cus we don't need homecoming.
so, please, stop telling me to go. stop saying " you should go "
i don't have the fucking money, read above ^ & self-explanatory.
mm, yes. i had a shitty day. obviously.
