of being asian & having an asian mom
i hate that i have to live my academic life through lying
and hiding my progress reports & pretending to be a straight A student.
i'm sick of my mom asking me if i'm "number one."
i'm sick of my mom being pissed when i get an A-
i'm sick of my mom not letting me be able to once in a while
tell myself that it's okay to fail one stupid test.
& not even a literal F. but a fucking B.
i'm so FUCKING SICK of being PRESSURED to do well @ school.
i understand its cus my mom cares about me
& wants me to have a good future & career
but you know what mom? it's MY life & it's MY choices.
she tells me " it's your life so make good choices ! "
& when i tell her i have interest in entertainment programs
she tells me not to do it and gets all pissed off at me.
what the fuck, for real?!
& you know what pisses me off the MOST?!
when i do bad on something & she tells me
"i buy you everything you want & do whatever you want
but how come you can't even do good @ school for me?! "
like seriously, i never asked for a cellphone.
actually, i even told her i didn't want one but she said
"EVERYONE has one so i'll get you one"
and then i didn't even ask for a text plan but she gave me one.
i never asked for a new camera. i wanted one but never asked.
i never asked for a new ipod, i wanted one but never asked.
i never asked for my own computer, i never even wanted one.
& now she tells me she's gonna get me a car.
i never asked for one, i just asked to get my permit & license.
isn't my mom really weird?! i mean yeah, i'm lucky.
but like she uses all that against me -______-x
you don't even know how much of a good daughter i am to her.
i NEVER talked back to her. i'm there for her when she needs it.
i'm literally the only one to make her genuinely laugh.
i listen to her stories & i'm completely honest to her.
i'm completely honest to her EXCEPT about my grades.
and that just pisses me off, that i can't be honest to her about it.
i can't even tell her if i'm stressed cus of school.
i can't even tell her if i do well on a test cus she'll start babbling
about my other tests & that i probably did bad since i never told her.
& seriously, "all the smart kids study every day & night"
uhh NO I DON'T THINK SO.
i've seen the most BIGGEST nerds go to like the BEACH
on a fucking WEEKDAY.
i've seen smart straight A students walking down to eat pho.
oh yeah, they TOTALLY devote their lives to studying.
my head's about to blow.
& she needs to start appreciating my commitment
towards class committee & leo club & school activites.
cus thats gonna benefit me later on in life
but toooo bad she thinks thats all total bullshit.
seriously, the only time my mom ever really listens to me
is when i talk about school, academically & drug-wise.
i try to tell her about something funny that happened that day
and she totally cuts me off and talks about something
COMPLETELY different & never lets me finish my story.
i wish she was more like my dad.
at least my dad understands what i'm going through
and @ least he's fine with me getting not-so-great grades on tests.
& at least he understands that once in a while
i just really need a simple BREAK from school work.
oh & at least he listens to what goes on in my life
thats NOT about schoool.
long blog, i know. sorry.
